I was in the locker room at my gym yesterday getting ready for a run when a lady that has come to my fitness classes came in and said to me, “Sara, I haven’t seen you in awhile. You look so good. You’ve lost some weight.”
Her comment caught me off guard because I’ve spent the last couple of months getting down on myself about my weight. I had some physical issues that have made working out painful, so I cut back on CrossFit. And now that the temps are below 10 degrees at 5 a.m., it’s been harder to get up and go back to CrossFit.
I haven’t gained a lot of weight (maybe 5 pounds since June). But my body is definitely not as toned and tight as it was a few months ago.
Even though I haven’t gained that much weight, my clothes are fitting a bit more snug. That makes me feel…fat. I know, I know, fat is not a feeling. But I don’t know how else to describe it.
My whole adult life, I’ve battled the cycle of emotional eating. Even in the past couple of years when I’ve been my fittest and healthiest, that cycle of feeling bad, eating to cope, feeling guilty, eating more to cope, has reared its ugly head a time or two (or three or four…).
The past few months have been particularly hard for me because I reached my magical weight goal over the summer. You know, the weight that is supposed to equal eternal happiness. I felt awesome for about a nanosecond, then started coming up with new goals and finding other things wrong with my body.
Then life happened and here I am - a little softer around the middle. The problem is, I’m hard on myself. I tear myself down because I’m not at that goal weight anymore and because my pants feel snug and because I hit snooze instead of going to workout. Then I feel bad about myself, and I want to eat.
I think it’s ok to be a little hard on yourself. It helps motivate you to get up and go to the gym and eat oatmeal instead of a doughnut. But when I heard that lady’s comment yesterday, I realized that I’ve been too hard myself.
I looked in the mirror in the gym locker room, and I thought to myself, ‘I’m not fat.’ I’ve been telling myself the opposite message for the last few months.
I ran three miles and it felt great. I focused on how strong my body felt and how much energy I had, rather than how many calories I was burning (which is what I’ve been thinking about lately when I workout).
I realized that in life, we go through ups and downs. Even as a fitness instructor and a health blogger, I will have times that I struggle.
I’m going to try to be a easier on myself!